September 19, 2010

A rant and ramble!

Posted by Becka
Once again, I am hearing about a "parent," and I use the term loosely, named James Dobson who wrote a series on parenting. Or, at least, his view on what parenting should be.

This "man," also used loosely, advocates things that I can not even FATHOM doing...hitting an infant for not finishing his food, or other "violations" and not on the bottom but on places such as the leg or arm, where it will hurt more, or making your child pick his own "tool" for hitting them, then keeping it out so they are scared into submission. He also tells parents to pinch their child on the neck!?

I see first hand, the results of being parented by parents who used hitting and threats to parent. it is NOT the way to get your child to behave. Children can be taught to behave out of respect, and the willingness to WANT to please their parents, not the feeling they HAVE to or they will get hit.

And really...comparing raising children to training dogs!? He brags about beating a 12lb dog into submission, basically saying that you can do the same to your children!

I have seen people say that they have seen children of parents that use this book have just a dead look in their eyes. Yes, they are compliant and well behaved, but they have had the life taken out of them. If you see the reviews on Amazon, many say that they hate their parents, could not wait to get out of the house, rebelled against everything their parents taught them, etc...

I have to say, I was NOT the perfect child...but I was NEVER EVER EVER hit, spanked, humiliated, etc... I LOVE my parents, I respect them, and I have rarely ever done anything in my 34 years to disrespect them, even as a teenager.

Hitting a child does not teach them what is right and wrong, it teaches them to be more sneaky next time! When you hit a child, you are telling them that it is OK for someone bigger to hit...and when they hit a smaller child on the playground you get mad at them!??!

I do not want my children to behave out of fear. I want them to behave because they WANT to, because we have a good relationship and mutual respect for each other. I know this is above many parents heads...and they were probably brought up that way. I feel for them, because they will probably be the ones who's kids call each other to complain about them once they are all out of the house, visit very infrequently, and don't feel safe bringing their own children around them.

Why is it SO important for some parents to have their children eat, sleep, talk, etc... on command? Whatever happened to just ENJOYING your children and acting as a peaceful family unit!? What happens when your child is too old to spank? If spanking is all you use, how will they learn anything!

I have used a swat here and there as a last resort...but I can tell you, it never works on my kids! He also advocates hitting out of anger...that is the WORST thing you can do!

Ok rant over, before this becomes a novel! But before I close, I want to give you REAL sources for GREAT parenting advice!

Dr. Sears (any of them!)
Elizabeth Pantley
Becky Bailey
Dr. Harvey Karp
Kerby Alvy

Just to name a few!

Stay at home, business owning mom of 4 young kids, Nick the Sportsman, Michele the Princess, Wyatt the Wild One, and Evan the Baby.Bachelor in Early Childhood Development and Education, with 20 years experience. I could not ask for anything more!

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