March 13, 2014

This is why I tell my kids it is their body, their choice!

Posted by Becka
So I was perusing Facebook, and I can across an article. It warns parents that they should never force their children to hug/kiss anyone, not even parents or grandparents, if they do not want to. I have always told my kids this, and even got berated by my in laws at one point, because I refused to force my child to hug them, when they did not want to. Sorry, but I want my kids to trust their own instincts, and know that it is their body, their rules. Thanks to this article, my feelings have been reinforced!

I agree with this quote:
one of the most important things we can teach our kids when it comes to their personal safety is to LISTEN to that inner barometer, their INSTINCT…a.k.a. “the uh-oh feeling”   

I also agree with this:
Because they may be getting an “uh-oh feeling”  that you’re unaware of.   Maybe earlier in the evening Uncle Johnny said or did something that felt “yucky” to your child which you’re oblivious to.   Later on, when it’s time to go home, you insist that your daughter kiss Uncle Johnny goodbye, demanding it when she flat out refuses.

The message your child gets: 
1) Don’t trust your own instincts.
2) You have to obey the grownups no matter what.
3) Mom/Dad will not believe you if you tell them about an uncomfortable feeling or touch because you haven’t got the right to speak up for yourself.

The message Uncle Johnny gets:

Jackpot!  Here’s a target — a child who’s been taught to be polite no matter what the circumstances.  Here’s a child who probably won’t  know how to resist an inappropriate touch or have the ability to tell anyone about it!   At the next gathering,  he decides he may be able to go a little further with his behavior because you’ve basically laid the ground work out for him already.  

So in essence, this article should tell parents to listen to their kids, and to take their cues! NEVER force your child to hug anyone if they do not feel like it, no matter WHO it is! The person will eventually get over it, and you could potentially save your child's life! 


CC Bautista said...

I agree! My son is still young enough that it's not considered rude to people if he's simply not interested in interacting with someone. I will never force him to greet people - especially while he is forming his understanding of the world. Momma will always have his back!

A Mom In Vegas said...

My in laws used to try to tell me, when my 14 year old was little as well as my 11 year old, that if we did not make them hug people that it would make those people feel bad. I said Oh Well lol. I am not making my child do anything that is not comfortable for them. Then again, these are the same people that told me I should only dress my daughter in pink lol.

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